1+ i = ( 1 + r) * ( 1 + h )

What’s the difference between actual and real ? Real is more pure, crystal, frangile, and actual is, like a child who is bearing the growing pain struggling in the grown-up world but actually never wants to grow up, therefore actual is more coulorful than real. But both of them are beautiful, real is within actual.

‘Sing like nobody’s listening, dance like nobody’s watching, work like you don’t need money, love like you have never been hurt.’ My lovely Kim Sam Soon borrowed these words from a real person, and I learnt from her, a fictional character but actually may exist in the real world.

The above is just a fomula, if we look closer we will find it practically complicated than it looked, but it’s ok, it is the way it is, the way we look at it, that’s the point.

Be kind to accept Real, be brave to embrace Actual.

That’s it.

Mom is not good at cooking, but it never bothers me. There a lot of ways to say ‘I love you’ and homemade food is just one of them. Mom loves me, when I was not feeling well she hold my hand sitting beside until I fell asleep, the moment I opened my eyes her hand was still holding mine and she almost fell asleep, I don’t know how long I was in sleep so I asked why she didn’t release my hand while I was sleeping, she simply said, the movement may wake you up.

It was winter time.

Food is not the all, I love homemade food it’s because I love them, I enjoyed every single moment at home with them, and food is not important, I’m happy no matter what I eat.

If Mom doesn’t know how to cook, I can cook for her, as a daughter.

Whenever fear comes up, thinking about home, and fear will dissolve by itself.

Mom, is always the most beautiful woman in the world.

2013年夏天 和妈妈在路边摊吃饺子

这个世界上最无用的一件事就是和记忆过不去 越是想要记住 就越是容易忘记 越是想要忘记 就越是纠缠着你 所以不如平静 在这里生活 首先要接受身体的疲惫是常态 担忧 恐惧 这些无来由的情绪更是值得学习 因为你要克服 要自己给自己信心 面对记忆力偶尔的不清 面对食物的单调如一 面对新环境的不熟悉 面对外界的压力 面对内心世界的无由的恐惧 所有的所有 你都要一点一滴的去解决  睡眠只是为了储蓄能量 不是为了逃避 盖起被子 听着音乐 平静得面对自己心里的恐惧 一遍一遍的对自己说 安静 安静 一切都会好起来的 乐观一点 再乐观一点 就这样一千次 一万次的安慰自己 恐惧本身并不可怕 可怕的是缺少面对恐惧的勇气 是女子 就应该坚强 有勇气 告诉自己 我要比恐惧更强大 我会战胜恐惧 我可以

内心的世界有多平静 外界就会有多美丽 所以现在该做的是 多给自己一点爱与温暖 多给自己一点信心 多给世界一些宽容与肯定 可以的 没有什么不可以

接受自己 相信自己 爱自己

 

 

Do you know how it feels to be a single child, a single girl? It means you carried double or triple responsibilities than others, you face the challenges, fears double or triple than others, and you got to show double or triple courage to face the world than others. So even there is no support, warm food, even there is full of coldness, stress, you got to keep going, and no regret at all since the road you chose is a one way road, no matter what, keep moving, with 100% effort, with 1000% effort, and be proud as you are facing all these alone, and you heal yourself alone.

Just believe that you can, ignore the cloud, the miracle is within you.

From 9am to 9pm, I guess I’m almost qualified working as a man, almost, if even not, so what. I know myself, and I also know how much stress i can cope, how far I can go, the most important, there no limits I know. Seeing things in a long view, as long as possible, starting doing things at this moment, being present as much as possible, that’s how it works, so there is no need to be upset if you feel you are not good enough, that kind of horrible feeling is a gift, seeing it as a gift, which reminds you it is time to dig out the potentials within you, as deep as possible.

Make mistakes, correct them, if people say ‘ you never improve’ or ‘ you can’t ‘, show them that ‘never’ can be replaced with ‘did’ and ‘can’t’ can be changed to ‘can’. That’s the attitude a girl should have. What they think of you, what they did to you… are not important, just ignore, because you are the only one who can really save you from yourself.

I want to write more, to be continued.

May be someday people are wondering how much you know about those documents, and you know that that day you gonna be good enough to say, ALL.

Sunday morning, woke up around half 8, figuring out there still something need to do so you know. It was cloudy, quite few people on the high street on Sunday’s earlier and at that moment I realized how wise it is not to choose Saturday for shopping, to avoid crowd of people. Arrived at the police station after breakfast at Mc, holding a soya latte I requested to change home address however I forgot to bring the proof of address, so you know, luckily police station open 24/7.

Made a note, where I should go and what I need to buy after updating the address, Treaty centre, card factory, boots, and last was M&S, there were all on the same side of the road in sequence therefore I saved time going back and forth. Things are that funny when you were just about cross the list and all of a sudden you realized you missed something again, for example kitchen paper, for the safe side always review the notebook after done shopping if you decided to rely on it as sometimes your memory gigabytes may mess up.

In terms of food, M&S is way much better than Argos as well as the price tag, even though I’m eating rubbish food or be friendlier, fast food, why not choose a high quality one sometimes? Cooking is not bothering me, it is actually the short of time and space that make me have no interest in cooking at all, sometimes I watched the cooking videos and quite enjoyed, what if I got a big kitchen and high quality cooking stuff, and plenty of time, I guess my interest will be boosted. Currently, no.

I guess one of the luckiest things is not you find someone who love you, is you find someone who accept you, all.

Before that I still need to be strong like superwoman, what sufferings, what unfairness, what pain, swallowing them and no complain at all. You never know when life will reward you after all the efforts you have made.

It worth, yes, worth, that’s the word.

I’m going to take a nap, listening some music, successful.

临睡前有幸读了篇沈善书的小短文 很安静 很充实 中文是我的母语 所以读起来是那么的美 事情总要从最难做最想逃避的做起 不去想结果 不去想可能性 就这么埋头去做 那么自然会有水到渠成 人要勇于向昨天说再见 要沉得住气坚守现在这一刻 未来 顺其自然 相善 心静 耐住寂寞
想来词穷的时候居多 偶尔想写首歌 想当个摄影师 其实不出摄影展也是可以的 想成为作者 其实不出书也是可以的 重要的是 不被名利收复 慢慢来吧 岁月静好 带一点点的执着 多点点的宽容 一切静在不言中

Finished around 6pm, raining, so no shopping, following by the cleaning up… glanced at the time, around 8点. Recently I learnt some new words, Accept & Carry, Maximize & Satisfy. A regretless life consists of all of them, accept a certain amount of unhappiness, pain, loneness, all kinds of sufferings and then carry the courage, pride, responsibilities, kindness moving on. ‘Satisfy’ means acceptable outcome, but if you say ‘maximize’ things would be different, which means you want to achieve the best possible outcome, so maximize your acceptable level, it makes you painful but totally worth because brightness will come in any moment.

Whenever fears arise in your mind just remind yourself hope this word, don’t just let mind easily control you. I know this world is not perfect, and the society may won’t reward you what you deserve, it’s alright, see things in a long term view, If people give you hard times, throw smiling and positives back to them, understand you are not a loser when you behave positively, you are a loser when you get pissed.

Accept and being accepted, I guess that’s all about it.

People are tired of smiling, and my tears is rolling down deeply, my brain is not working properly, my eyes cannot see clearly, I have nobody, fortunately, I still have music, put on the headset, silently, and my heart is telling me, 坚持, 不要放弃.

I’m living a life in the UK, this is just part of the working diary.

Overtime, shopping, cleaning, Sat working, cooking, laundry, shower… and now sitting here, all of sudden, totally totally exhausted. Easy ? May be. It takes a lit bit time to realize that it’s fine that others don’t take you seriously, point is you gotta take yourself seriously, Don’t expect too mcuh from others, if you really want to, expect from you yourself; don’t compare you with others, if you really want to, compare you with yourself. Pressure, is treasure, so take it. It’s ok you can’t find a way to release, believe it’s just for currently, finally you will see all the tough times gradually turning into energy.

Keep smiling, make it a habit. Listen some music, get some sleep, eat, keep healthy and positive. Coke is not a good thing, it’s ok if not on daily basis. Make a list, list the things still pending, and figure out how to complete them, one by one, each by each. Working is not whole life, it’s just part of it, which helps you developing a view to see the society, sometimes it may not that tasty, treat it as pills, swallow it, your immune system will be different completely.

00”23, going to sleep, before that, i want to eat some chips.

Recently I got a lot “Are You Sure ?” The answer is, ” Yes, Sure, Absolutely.”